Last night I scrolled through YouTube aimlessly during load-shedding and I came across a series of life coaching videos on a platform called Ted X. I watched a few, some interesting, some mediocre but then I stumbled across Carolyn McHugh and her talk made me sit up and listen, twice...
So it got me thinking...who DO I think I am and who am I really?
I`ve been so consumed by what people think of me my whole life that I have spent an equal amount of time putting myself down for what I think people thought of me. The truth is that I am hardly the center of attention in their life, nor do they spend time thinking about me at all, and definitely do not think what I am thinking they are thinking. The other half of the time I regretted my behavior, attitude, or fast words without much thought about the consequences. I`ve felt ashamed of myself for most of my professional life.
“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”
I regard this video as a substantial beacon on my journey of self-discovery and a bit of a theme is emerging from a series of messages I`ve received recently from the Holy Spirit which is ultimately God granting my wish of living my life without being addicted to the approval of people.
“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”
"Where the mind goes, the man follows"
I regard this video as a substantial beacon on my journey of self-discovery and a bit of a theme is emerging from a series of messages I`ve received recently from the Holy Spirit which is ultimately God granting my wish of living my life without being addicted to the approval of people.
I have overcome two major addictions in my life recently. One is smoking and the other is food. Smoking was a painkiller and food was the only thing that I had total control over.
As I am typing here it dawns upon me that I need to break free from another addiction. Approval Addiction. I acknowledged it a long time ago, and expressed my wish to be free from it but as it is not life-threatening or the cause of a serious disease I never considered it as a legitimate addiction. Yet it derailed my life much the same way drugs or alcohol could have, I realise now that it caused a dis-ease in my life and prevented me from becoming the person God intended me to be.
Facebook is full of wisdom and as we read these magical words of advice it resonates within you for a few seconds but somehow your ego dismisses your ability to make it your own or you just don`t have the energy/capacity or willpower to do anything about it. "What other people think of you is none of your business" is the first one that comes to mind. So many times I said to myself "Pay attention Aneli," but I just didn`t have the willpower to acknowledge these debilitating thoughts for what they were, change these thought patterns deliberately with words of affirmation or deliberately guide my thoughts to occupy my mind in a way that empowers me.
“Words may shape me, but they do not make me. I am here already.”
Who do I think I am and what skills can I master to be the person I envision myself to be? It is a bit like winning the lottery and having to decide what your new life is going to look like. I feel like I am about to shed my cocoon and all I need to do is wait for the paint on my new wings to dry before I spread them and take flight.
I refuse to spend another minute on self-doubt so there will be no written words on what I used to think about myself. I choose to rather look at myself as a raw piece of material in the hands of a Master about to become a masterpiece. Because that is what I am, there is no other like me. God says in His word we are wonderfully made, created in His own image. Who am I to think anything less?
Who do I think I am going to be?
- I am definitely going to be more confident. Much of my confidence was destroyed by my obesity but now that I have lost so much weight I feel physically and mentally strong enough to walk taller, sit up straighter and allow myself to glow knowing that God is happy with me and that His opinion is the only one that counts. Much of this is based on my realising that with sheer determination and an unwavering belief in the grace of God, you can achieve absolutely anything you put your mind to. My weight is evidence of that.
- I am going to embrace my authenticity. I have superpowers that make me a valuable asset. I am no longer going to apologise for who I am. I am going to polish a few rough edges and shine.
- I am going to think before I speak and not say everything that I am thinking. That will take some practicing on my part but I am determined to master this as much as I wanted to lose weight, stop smoking, and exercise with joy in my heart.
- I am not going to apologise for having a wicked sense of humor.
- Offering unsolicited advice based on my own bruised experiences shall be a thing of the past. I don`t need to save the world.
- I shall lead by example. Especially when it comes to my girls. I want them to mimic my behavior and definitely NOT my words.
- This brings me back to point number three above, I will not speak everything I think about out loud, including my opinion of others.
- Oh yes, I will master the act of putting on a poker face when confronted with idiotic behavior.
- Most importantly I want to be proud of myself for achieving my personal goals. I have achieved very little of them to date. I have already achieved many accolades in my professional career but I`ve never had the willpower to rearrange the filing system in my mind. Not that there are not many other areas that I can approve in but I have a clear image now of the person I want to be and I will master these skills even if it takes me 10000 hours of practicing.
Think Audrey Hepburn - timeless elegance ...
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